Monday, September 15, 2008

Everything I've Learned...

So, the other night I was watching Jeopardy and came to the conclusion that I am truly pathetic! You might go, "well duh Jill, I've known this for quite some time, but why have you just discovered this observation?" Well, I was just relaxing and kicking back in my futon watching Jeopardy and answering several questions in a row and at first I didn't think anything of it, except for the fact that I was quite impressed at how awesome I was doing. And then it hit me! After the realization of how I knew all these answers, I just laughed and laughed and laughed at myself, out loud even! All these answers that kept escaping from my mouth were not proof of my wisdom at all, just proof that I have spent way too many useless hours watching the ever so amazing show known as The Simpsons! Honestly, so many parents have yelled at their children and even prohibited the watching of this show due to its inappropriate language and crude content. And I do not disagree with this view. Sure, The Simpsons are a little crude for young viewers and do not always display a moral value, but every episode sadly has taught me alot about life, in general. Watching this show has taught me not only historical facts, but also many many references to very classic movies and tv shows. Don't believe me? Go ahead and just watch some episodes yourself and watch the amazing knowledge you will receive unravel before your eyes.

Here are some fun, random, yet not so accurate lessons learned from The Simpsons:

1. If my nose starts bleeding it means I'm picking it too much.....or not enough
2. Springs can be flushed down toilets to save sinking boats full of old people.
3. Cafeteria milk comes from rats.
4. If the "check engine" light is blinking, it can easily be remedied by sticking a piece of electrical tape on top of it so that it goes away.
5. If it has a tooth pick in it, its free!
6. The best way to avoid jury duty is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
7. It's always the dog with the shifty eyes! Noone ever suspects the dog with the shifty eyes.
8. Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
9. If you try your best and you fail miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.
10. What don't you learn, don't trust mice, cats are made of glass....

Thursday, September 11, 2008

~Made On Purpose For A Purpose~

Here I sit another day of my life at the front desk of High Rise, working ever so hard might I add. As if you couldn't tell.. But I spend a majority of the time just sitting back and watching people as they walk by. Most, of course, are familiar faces or getting more familiar day by day and some are rather close acquaintances, but most of the time as they walk by they are all just faces to me and nothing more. Until recently I have really began to think. I see these people everyday and usually always give them a smile and a friendly hi as they walk away and they escape my mind, nothing too major. But now everytime someone walks by me I just stop in amazement and awe. Why might you ask? Just think.. I have no idea how many faces I come into acquaintance within a day, over one hundred, for sure and guess what? Every single one of these individuals were made on purpose!! Now just take time to think about that. It definitely changes your perspective on people. At first, they are just a face, but it's so much more than that. It's not like God was like "Oops, that wasn't supposed to happen." and poof Jill was made. No, not at all. He added a little of this, alot of that and was like there she is, exactly what I wanted, my masterpiece. Am I the only one who gets shivers because of that? And not only was every person made on purpose they were made FOR a purpose. Every single person that walks by me in a day have something they are meant to do in their life. They were completely made to do it. And what's really crazy is that every single person's purpose is unique and different. This brings up a huge question for myself. What is MY purpose? What was I MADE to do in my life? And am I fulfilling it?

Sunday, September 7, 2008

War with Mom

My mother and I have a very interesting relationship with one another. Though we are very close, we do spend the majority of our time in some type of argument or fight. Nothing, serious of course, but it's always something. She calls, I'm then rude, she asks the "wrong" questions, I complain, she thinks I hate her, and we hang up. It's a neverending cycle. What's sad though is we always get into the fights over the same questions every time. And if you know my mother, you will know what that topic is, yup you guessed it, BOYS! Or normally just one boy, but you get the picture. Now, I know that she loves me with all of her heart and I truly love her with all of mine, but this topic and her together absolutely drive me insane! And it's not that I don't want to talk to her about my relationships; it's just that I feel like it's the only thing she really cares about. And I know thats not completely true, but I do know that is a main focus to her. And I'm the kind of girl who would love to be in a relationship and I like boys, but it is definitely not the number one priority in my life and I never want it to be. So the fact that she wants to make it the number one topic of discussion always sets me off. And after we get in the little arguments, I always feel terrible and agree to myself to not let it get to me and just to give her what she wants, but every time it still results in failure and I'm too stubborn to just let go.

Another reason, why our conversations always leads to yelling, tears, or hurt feelings is because she can read me so well that normally she hits the head on absolutely everything. I am the girl who denies her emotions. Not just to others, but to myself, probably most of all! And somehow my mom can read through my deception and get the truth out and I hate it! I hate feeling vulnerable and apparent and she is the only one that seems to have the power to do so. There is a reason I hide my feelings from people and myself, but she always digs and then exposes me for the fraud I am. And I say I hate this and on the outside, I truly do, but in the long run I know it's whats best for me. Deep down, I do want to share my feelings and thoughts with people, but it's always just too hard. If noone knows the truth, noone will know my pain and I can always fake that smile. But sometimes the only way to get over that pain is to share it with others and then you can let it go.

I am very lucky to have the mother I have. She loves me more than life and I can tell by everything that she does for me daily. I know that she asks questions and calls me hourly because she cares about my life and wants to watch me succeed and grow into the woman I was meant to be. And I am very thankful for that, I obviously don't show it all the time, or even most of the time, but I can't explain how greatful I truly am and how everything she does for me and my friends mean the world to me! So no matter how much we fight or argue I respect my mother and love her with absoluly everything I have because I will always be her baby and she will always be my mommy!

Blogging To Be Vulnerable...

So here I am starting a blog.. You all may question this decision of mine and why I have decided to do such a thing and in fact I have a few answers to that question.. First of all, I'm a college student and I mean facebook and myspace already control 85% of my time why not add one more thing that can keep me busy and help me accomplish my goal of procrastination. And I might add to that at least I can improve my writing skills at the same time of avoiding my homework and RA obligations.

Reasoning number two for starting a blog would be the fact I can express myself with written words rather than by actual conversation. It is very hard for me to express my feelings and thoughts to others, it always has been. Every time I get upset, sad, mad, happy, excited, pretty much any type of emotion I sit down and just write my feelings out. I then reread it to myself to regather what has occurred and then go from there. If I do this anyways, why not make it a blog and get input from others? Also, this is a much easier way for others to get to know me without me having to deal with the awkardness I feel when I share my personal feelings and thoughts out loud. So here it is.. A beginning for me. It will be my first step into vulnerability.